OnlyClowns

Tyler says I should do an OnlyClowns. The first time he said it I told him absolutely not, because I know what that other website is. I'm 54, not dead. He said no, it's the same idea but it's clown stuff. People pay a few bucks a month and they get the part nobody sees.

I said who would pay for that. He said "you'd be surprised," which is what Tyler says about everything. He also said it about the World of Warcraft posts.

But I thought about it, and there is a lot nobody sees. Here's what I'd put on it:

• Putting the face on, start to finish, no cuts. It's about forty minutes. I talk the whole time.
• The walk from the car to the front door in full costume, which is the hardest part of the job and nobody ever films it.
• Taking the face off after. Cold cream, baby wipes, the whole mess. You find out what I actually look like.
• A tour of the Impala. There's stuff in the trunk from 2009.
• Every time I want a cigarette in the car and don't have one. That could be a lot of videos. That's kind of the point.
• Dad's old shoes and the stories that go with them.

It'd be five dollars a month. Maybe four. Tyler's figuring out the computer part and I've asked him not to use the AI thing this time.

18+. Not because it's dirty. It's not dirty. It's because there's smoking in it, for now, and some of the stories are about my divorce.